When to let go…

When do you decide not to go up for a job?

On Thursday last week my agent sent me the breakdown for a new reality TV show. The producers are looking for male and female co-hosts for a Discovery Channel-type series all about bugs.

If you’ve rooted around inside this website in any depth you will have discovered Talking Bollocks, the occasional chat show that Josh Rachlis and I make when we’re bored and feeling like we’re not getting enough attention. Even though we take the piss out of the medium, Josh and I would love to be TV hosts.

Here’s what they are looking for:

• Presenters prepared to travel all over the world for nine months next year – hooray! Sounds amazing.
• The show looks at all manner of reptiles, insects and other creepy crawlies.  No problem! Although I must admit to being horribly arachnaphobic, I can deal with any other bug or loathsome creature, including snakes, lizards etc.
• Comedy/stand-up and improv a must – check! Watch my reel, see my resume, be amazed.
• Hosts will need to write their own material and improvise – score! Right up my street.
• Age 20-35. Bugger.

Farfl the Wonderdog - cute, but not exotic enough

My agent is a doll and I know she wouldn’t ever send me anything that she didn’t think I could go for. The breakdown demands that I film a 2-3 minute piece with an exotic animal describing stuff about it and talking to camera. I could do that! Farfl‘s trainer owns several lizards! He’d definitely help me out! But could I pass the age test?

Having thought about it overnight I called my agent on Friday afternoon to ask if she thought the age limit would be a significant problem. She was out at a meeting and one of her colleagues in the agency told me she would call me back on Monday.

Charlotte Lucas if she were in Charlie's Angels

I spent the weekend debating whether to try and pretend to be in my early thirties. My protestant work ethic tells me I should go up for everything that comes my way – don’t pass up any opportunity – because who knows? They may not notice that I’m already 40. People still ask me if I’m my husband’s daughter. Younger comics often don’t believe me when I tell them how old I am. When I turned 40 in March I was performing in Pride and Prejudice – playing a 28 year old. The guy playing my husband was 16 years younger than me and the guy playing my dad was 4 years older than me. The director never asked for my age and it’s not listed on my resume. I still look young! I’M STILL YOUNG!!!

This morning my agent called and said that having spoken to the producer she had been told it probably wasn’t worth my time to submit a piece for the job. I was both relieved and disappointed. Relieved that I wouldn’t have to lie about my age and disappointed that there was an age limit on the job.

40 and proud

I’m not one of those actresses who pretends to be younger than they are. I’m pretty upfront about it. I once got yelled at by a casting director (who shall remain nameless) in a commercial audition when I joined in with the little kids when they were slating for the camera: “I’m Joey. I’m six.” “I’m Emma. I’m 9.” “Marilla Wex. Messinger Agency. 37.” The casting director told me in no uncertain terms that producers and directors don’t want to know how old you are. “It might put them off, making this whole audition a total waste of time.” I had to bite my cheeks not to laugh. She was very cross and I think I ruined her day. I was just trying to make the kids feel less intimidated.

You don’t have to be a detective to find out that I’m 40. I mention it in my stand-up. It’s on Facebook for all to see. How tacky would it have been to have lied in my submission and then for the producer or casting director to have found out just by looking at my website that I’m not actually 32? On this occasion I think it’s better to be honest.

So I have let this one go. It’s not the job for me. Lots of other great things will come up for me in 2011. I’ll be busy with Sherlock Holmes and stand-up and generally being fabulous. Getting my knickers in a twist about something that might have been just isn’t worth it. I’m sure there’ll be a dark moment when I’ll think: “What if…..” But ironically I’m at an age now where being congruent is more important than being young. I think I’ve finally grown up.

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2. This week’s gig
3. Living the Dream
4. Absolute is cancelled!
5. Contact